Book 2 - The Beasts within

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Book 2 - The Beasts within

Post  BenevolentDevil on Thu Oct 25, 2018 10:35 am


I don't have much time to write, but had an interesting conversation with the nice haired elf at the Inn.
She seemed to know more about things, and Hel asked me to go with him.

I had to return to Mia of course, unload the supplies. I'll get back to him later.

Sadly , I now know I can't stay with Mia, doing so makes it dangerous for her and the pups, even it being holy ground.

Can't get into details right now, in a hurry to catch up to Hel.
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Re: Book 2 - The Beasts within

Post  BenevolentDevil on Fri Oct 26, 2018 8:14 am

Heltan is still doing rituals with the priest every evening.
We don't know if it's safe to go home, of the issue is solved still. The danger seems alleviated for the moment though.
I can't say I understand much of it, but Hel did what he does. As Alpha he put himself in danger to save his pack. His family. I was supposed to help, but circumstances got in the way of that.

Seen Mia for a bit, and the pups. They are getting big, and Sugar doesn't seem stuck in wolf form anymore.

Went and met Rannie , showed her where Jax's old place was. Of course, Hel was resistant to the idea. I'm not sure why he doesn't like it there , but probably has a lot to do with Mia and her past dealings with this Jax fellow.

Our spirits seem uplifted, lighter even. Not feeling as confined.

It will be nice, when we get to go home. Gain our closeness back. Back to our way of life, what we know, and what we love.
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Re: Book 2 - The Beasts within

Post  BenevolentDevil on Fri Oct 26, 2018 3:21 pm

So, yesterday ...

Hel said something to the effect, that I am more "wolf" than he and Mia.  

This could be true, but I do think there's a wild side to Mia he has just overlooked.  Or maybe she's just more reserved around him?  

I however, I love what I am.  I embrace it, and of course my own wild nature anyways , just fits and compliments it all.  
I like meat, sorry ... but I do.  Cooked , rare .. raw ... , it's scrumptious and yummy.  Filling.  

I don't quite like the mess, but I do love the hunt too.  
There is a Beast inside, and are time I must simply let it out.   But, I am no monster, nor do I wish to be.  
Control is important, you don't want to lose yourself, like so many have before.

As long as we are able to exist, in peace , roam, hunt, and play ... love even, we , as in our pack, our family do not hurt anyone, we have no wish too.  

That brings up another concern I now have, after seeing Hel do a ritual with the priest, and overhearing what he said.  

It's a religion of hunters.  
While he made references to plentiful game , such a religion in the region could put us in danger.  Maybe most, want to hunt game ..., but there could be some that want to hunt us, just because we exist.  We occupy the same region, therefore ... it's our hunting grounds too.
Hel says not to worry, but ... I don't trust it.   I hadn't gotten to talk to Mialee about it yet , but will as soon as opportunity presents itself.  
I suppose it's better than demons , but I fear we simply traded one problem for another in the long run.  

 
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Re: Book 2 - The Beasts within

Post  BenevolentDevil on Sat Oct 27, 2018 1:06 am


Took a trip with Rannie in tow , to see Mia and the pups.  
I wanted them to talk ... but, I don't even know whats going on exactly, myself anymore.  
Seems Alpha hasn't relayed details and said much on that front.  

Guess it' s time for a family meeting ...

Anyways,  we'll get that sorted soon ...  I hope.  

Now ... I just finished shopping for the young ones , and hunted up some meat for them.  On my way back now, but I paused at the inn.  Just a quick stop, to collect my thoughts.  

It's been crazy lately, and there's only so many places I can be at once.  Mia is missing me badly , probably missing Hel too ... though she didn't say.  
 
This whole quest thing, thing with the Huntress goddess ... really messed up a lot of the good thing we had going.  
My introduction of Rannie ... , I had the absolute best intentions in mind regarding her.  Didn't quite foresee events playing out this way.   Hel' s taken a liking to her, probably even slept with her ... , and I know she's enamored with him back, even picking up training like he's gotten.
Now, I don't care who he does , or when really ... , but when you aren't talking to those you love, or giving out information the others need to know ... well, it's not good.  Communication is paramount to healthy relationships.  

 There's not supposed to be secrets and things with held ... I suppose that's my rule though, so I guess it really doesn't apply.  

I'm not going to do things this way though.  I've screwed up thier lives and existence far too much already.  Over half the things we just went through was because of me.  I pushed for them to have pups.  I pushed Rannie into our lives.  

I see the pattern, and fail point ... it's me.  

I might very well, have to leave the pack.  I sit here, looking at my old mask, knowing the despair of what I had gained, and what I am slowly losing bit by bit, due to my own meddling.  

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Re: Book 2 - The Beasts within

Post  BenevolentDevil on Sat Oct 27, 2018 6:26 pm

Every time I start to fret or worry , leave it to Mia to ... calm me, bring me back up , and give me reasons not to doubt.

I still cannot express in words, how much I love her.   I'd give her anything, and do anything for her ... even if that thing, was to leave, and cry my eyes out for the rest of my life doing so.  
She reminded me also, today .. .I am hers.  and I am, completely, I have been since the first night, when she infected me on accident.

She also , kinda in a round about way, made me to look at things a bit differently, especially regarding Rannie , or ... anyone else for that matter that may cross my path.  Not sure, how I feel about that yet.  Just have to see.  
So far, I've done what my heart dictated , out of love.  

Somethings are going to change though. Hel has to talk to us, communicate ...  
Even though, it's kinda more my rule than anything ... there shouldn't be secrets , or things with-held from the pack.  This also includes Rannie , infected or not, if she wants to be in our family ... the same applies.  
I am still assessing her ... in a way, but ... in order to be with us, even Hel ... she's got to be willing, to let us all in.  

Just like i said before, I cannot love half a person, meaning Mia and Hel being one heart made of two , I also cannot have family , that doesn't give trust and thier heart equally as well.  

The pups are growing so fast too!  
I hope our troubles are over, so they can see thier home, our home ... and we can all be together again, as we should be.  
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Re: Book 2 - The Beasts within

Post  BenevolentDevil on Sun Oct 28, 2018 11:14 pm

I am a creature of just , doing things. It's simply my nature.
Even being scared and worried over it, of course Mias request to go home, i wouldn't deny her.  So, just did it ...

A bit jumpy still, but everything seems fine for the moment.

Oh I've missed our house, our fire .. my spot right in front of it.  I think i'm gonna go ravage a bear and make it's hide into a lush rug throw it right on my spot!  

Mia let me make love to her while the kiddos were in bed.  I missed that too , being in our house, comfortable .. able to relax and let go.  She curled up next to me, and is sound asleep.  The pups found thier way in, and nuzzled up to us.  
I've rather notices of lat Sam seems to ... come closer to me more often than the others. Her young watchful eyes are always on me, even when doing mundane task.

I can sense all three pups with us, currently are like Mia and I.  Born with magical capability, of course it will be a while before any abilities manifest, so further testing later will be needed.  I hope Mia teaches them well, because I am not introducing our pups to witchcraft.  Too much of it is dark, and cost too high.  Though my intuition tells me, Sam has the gift  to be a good one.

I asked Mia again about Ranny , she's alright with it, but i can tell she's not comfortable , not really knowing the girl much.  
If it's not us, Ranny will go off and seek other lycans, she could get in the wrong pack, or killed or hurt instead.  Desperation, and depression , will cause reason to go out the window.  
I know, because I've been there, done that, left my panties on the floor to prove it.
But Mia didn't really know me either, i think if it wasn't an accident ... Mia would have gifted me anyways if I asked for it, even if it took a few days.

But I know Ranny's a decent girl at heart.  She's a warrior, woodland one ... we could use another strong protector, and compliments to Mia and I with our use of magic.  
She's sweet to , likes to play ... , but I am not sure she really wants to play sexually with me or not.  Hard to tell.  We'll see how that goes. I know she' s attracted to men for sure.  And surprisingly, she hasn't been with Hel ... after all.  Still virginated .. the poor thing! I was almost certain of it by how he acted. Oh well ...
Anyways, if she did let me ... indulge, ha! I'd ruin her for anyone else that followed in that way. She probably wouldn't really even care for a man after I use my skills and tricks!
But, like always ... I'd rather such things be, what she desires, in her heart ... I care about her enough, to let it be so.  

Cause my Mia, my angel, my ... love , mmmmmm makes me quiver just thinking about her!  Oh, it's so satisfying, fulfilling ... the only person to ever sedate my over ramped lust in one go! Wow!  It's beyond incredible!
So, I don't need Ranny to ... want me, or any other female ... If fun comes, it comes I guess ... but I am Mia's, and she is mine.

I miss Hel too. I wonder what he's been doing, the rituals I thought should be over by now.  He's got a pup with him too, so I hope he's not sticking his fuzzy head down more giant ant holes.  

I'll go find him tomorrow and Ranny, drag em to Mia , if he doesn't wander to us first of course.  We all need to , put Ranny in her place in the pack , if Ranny truly desires it of course.  And we need to be together as a family again. Maybe get Hel to talk to us more.  
I don't think he knows, not talking to Mia like this... how deep it hurts her.  
She doesn't let on it does, but I see it in her gorgeous emerald eyes it does.  He can treat me inferior and that i'm stupid all he wishes, but I won't allow him to hurt Mia like this.  

I love them both, so much, I don't want anyone hurt.



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Re: Book 2 - The Beasts within

Post  BenevolentDevil on Tue Oct 30, 2018 12:18 am

Well,
Things did not go well at first, nor how I had envisioned them to go. Quite horribly if i do say so really.
Not entirely too certain , what went on really. Hel jumped on me , for Mia wanting to go home. Like it's my place to tell the Alpha female what to do, or that I'd ever tell Sugar no, in the first place! Then he hurt my feelings again. On top of me being stressed out leaving Mia and the pups to go on his path finding trip. Especially with the moons blaring down on us!
Finally, the sun was rising, Ranny said something about returning to the Inn, sounded like a good idea to me ... but she ran up and off ahead, I lost her .. Hel ran past in small form, he looked upset ... but was gone before i could say or do anything.
Later I scryed on him, seen he was with his friend in the weird fey plane, I don't remember those paths. So, what could I do? Probably a good thing i couldn't go, I was fairly upset , I might have said or done things i'd regret later on.

I moved on, went to the spot where Mia infected me. Sat. I looked at my mask, tried sending Kaw out to find Ranny , but he kept running into other giant bug problems.
Ohh I hate bugs! Eventually they started harassing me .. so I had to vacate, move on.

There are still some unresolved issues there in , but things turned out joyous anyways.  

I have a new pack sister!

I assume Mia and Hel got to talk , hopefully it was a full talk ... for once.  
Hel came and found Ranny and I , we ported back to Mia.  

I almost, didn't go back.  I was very close to being gone, a few moments later , he would have showed up to probably an upset Ranny sitting on the hill alone.

I umm ...  I still have a few things to work out of my own I suppose.  

Wasn't much time left  to go into a lot, I wanted to take a few moments, and be happy ... for Ranny, and us as a pack, but we all knew the hunger, the first hunger would strike, and I needed to show Ranny where to quench it, in blood and meat .
Sounds bad, but it's the only way.  I .. enjoy it a bit myself to be honest about it.

Her first moon too , talk about timing!

It'll be interesting to see how everything goes from here.  

Still no luck with my visions , or my cards... I don't know what this means , or if it'll ever come back.
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Re: Book 2 - The Beasts within

Post  BenevolentDevil on Tue Oct 30, 2018 9:07 pm


So ...
Whats it like? Being a Lycan?
 I think you could ask ten of us, and you'd get ten different answers.
I will relate, from my own perspective.  I assume this book will be found long after I'm dead and gone , maybe passed around and read.

I happen to ... like what I am, no I love it actually!

It's very difficult to explain some things, and honestly only of those afflicted, can really relate to most of it.  

But for me, it was like ... all of a sudden, you just ... wake up.  And I don't mean, like wake up from a sleep, but that you are more ... Alive!
You smell things you couldn't before. You hear better.  Animalistic instincts sometimes drive you, or at the very least temper your humanity , or mesh well with it.
You aren't truly a wolf, but you aren't truly human, elven, or what ever race you ...were.  It in many ways, is almost a perfect completion of both.  

Some, I would think ... would call it a curse.  I can mentally see this, having to hide what you are.  Having to face horrid pain of changing, losing self control during this time.  Every month, you can't be around places, or civilization.  

With this thing, with Ranny ... I realized probably the hardest part of bearing this ... Gift.  I chose to see it as a gift.
 It is hard, when you care about others, and you can't tell them what you are. Holding back, those parts of you can't share.  They only get half a person at best that way.   You have to hold back,  keep secrets ... so not only is it safe for you, but for them as well.

Most of us, I think just wish to live in peace, and be happy and content with life.  We bear much grief, are forced into seclusion , to maintain this.  Most of us, are just regular people like everyone else, we just happen to have ... more capability and abilities is all.

Some I've heard, are monsters.  I've not met any as such, but I only really associate with my pack here. But I can imagine there are those, that relinquish themselves fully to the beast.  
I see Helthan, look at me, flash of worry in his eyes.  I don't think he likes that i embrace what I am, and I enjoy it.
It's like he wants me to be scared of, who I am.  

There is a beast inside, it wants out ... always.  
But , I am just me ... my way of things, is finding the fun , finding the thrill , and being in love with every aspect of this ... awakened state of existing.  
I did not really live, until I got infected, and changed.  I know the difference of that, and ... this!  
So, I love it. I chose to love it, and be what I am ... , even so I don't willingly let the beast control me.  I just happen to realize, and embrace it's there, and a part of me, and nothing will ever change that.

I'm not a monster.  I'm actually sweet , sometimes kind, a bit nutty at times, but I find fun ... I say and do odd things, because ... why not? We only live once!  Under this flawless veneer , I have a big heart.  Or I've grown one since my changes I should say.  I might have always had one, but let my past life drag me into despair, hopelessness, and anger.  Those things, dull your sensitivity to others, and you can only see the horrid mockery of yourself.  
That's how you become a real monster, and a far more dangerous and dark hearted beast, than I can ever be, even a furry, with claws and fangs.

So, whats it like?  
It's amazing!  It's fun!, it's ... sometimes wild, and full of excitement!  
Like I said, I love it!  
I wouldn't change it for anything, and I would absolutely rather die, than to have it stripped or removed from me.
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Re: Book 2 - The Beasts within

Post  BenevolentDevil on Thu Nov 01, 2018 9:58 am

Well, it seems our Alpha has decided to run off again. I wonder what it is he does , and why he stays away so much?
It's probably me. Has to be me, I can see no other logical explanation.
From listening to Mia, things seemed fine , before ... me.

Mias been out a bit more, hunting ... I caught her scent near Tivook west road, followed her to the old place.
The pups look like they enjoy exploring, and I hope they are paying attention to what mommy shows them.

I have busied myself, trying to find places suitable for Ranny and I to hunt, grow our skills. So far, no luck. But, it keeps me distracted quite a bit, worrying about Hel, our relationship.

The bad part, it takes me away from my green eyed angel , and my heart and body constantly pull me to be with her.

Not much else going on at the moment, I suppose.
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Re: Book 2 - The Beasts within

Post  BenevolentDevil on Thu Nov 01, 2018 1:37 pm

* The blonde witch , took some time after chatting a bit with Mia, they would be continuing thier discussion soon, but Bav sat back, up against the rock she was fond of , a rock she had made out with Mia on a few times of course, and she penned a letter.

Tearing it from her book, folding up neatly , she called Kaw, and told him to deliver it to Helthan straight away. *

Hel ,
We really need to talk.
Since things are always so hectic, you are gone .. or things get in the way, I thought maybe this would possibly reach you better. It at the very least, removes my own tendency to hide , or distract while talking.
Hopefully, my written word, you'll listen to, for I fear this whole time ... you've heard what I have said, but inevitably, you hadn't really listened.

About, Ranny ... please understand I didn't ask for her to be in our pack, so I could take on another lover. I adore her as my friend, and enjoy her as my pack sister. Yes I am attracted to her in a way, and I find her to be eye candy, and easy to fantasize about, but ... I really don't know it will progress beyond that. That's on my end.
I don't know how she feels there. I know she's attracted to you , and between you and me, I don't mind. I hadn't asked Mia how she feels about such.
That's just things, only time will be able to tell.

While, I am happy and glad you have been good to people, and to us, taking on the horrid responsibility of fighting the rakashas, ... trying to shield Mia from endangering herself and the pups.
You aren't alone though. You don't have to face everything alone! Mia is here, I am here ... we love you, and no matter how much you try to shield us from things, it effects us anyways.

And, well ... this is not place to say it, but I will because I think it needs to be said.

While you are out, hiding from your feelings , away doing things ... you are leaving your family behind, separated from you. The Pups need you. Mia does to, despite her awesome power , honey, her heart breaks as fragile as any in love can.

If it' s me, you don't want to be here because of me, I'll leave.
But know, that isn't what I want, or need. I don't even know how I would .. tell Mia, I know it'd crush her.
I think I am the reason you are gone so much. I see you kind of feel more comfortable around Ranny, than you do of me. I know somewhere in there, it hurts Mia infected me. That she does what she does with me, and loves me deeply. I also know it' s my fault, you had pups. I pushed.
I pushed Ranny on you and the pack. I took care of Mia, while you tried to save our home.

But, Helthan ... no matter what, your pack needs you. I shouldn't have had to be the one, telling Mia that home might not be safe.
Of course, I will never tell her no, or deny her anything. Know my love and heart run so deep, I simply cannot. Plus, she's Alpha female dear, I can't tell her what to do, anymore than I can tell you.
My point is ... it's not my place to , do your job. The pups need thier father too, what would we do, looking into confused little eyes, asking why daddy will never return home?

If nothing else, ever reaches that stubborn head of yours, it's this that needs to:
Mia and the pups are far more important than anything else, including me! Love them, don't run from them, the responsibility ... embrace it, like we embrace the beast inside. Like that ... you just have to figure out, how to keep it tame and manageable.

I am hurting inside.
I'm fairly sure I lost you , somewhere along the way. Not sure how, but i see and feel the difference. The strain is thick enough to cut with my dagger.
What ever I did, I am sorry.
I love you, completely and utterly , still. No matter what happens from here on out, know that I always will.

-Bav
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Re: Book 2 - The Beasts within

Post  BenevolentDevil on Thu Nov 01, 2018 5:19 pm

* Bavmorda watched the bird fly away, turning the small parchment in her hands. She hadn't seen the bird before, but she could smell Helthan's scent on the paper.
She first found messaging by birds, a bit odd ... and didn't honestly expect a reply.

She read the note, quickly at first, then again a second time more slowly. She puzzled over it's intent and meaning, finding once again in that realm of uncertainty, or insecurity.

The witch looked up to see Mia and the pups return from thier hunt , Samira of course, bounding up to Bav, happy to see her crazy Aunt as always.

Bav hid the note behind her back as the pup did, and smiled a smile that completely hid her inner turmoil. If anything, she didn't want the Pups to know anything might be a miss. Mia was speaking to Bav, but she didn't quite hear her, though she responded with a smile and a nod acknowledgement.
Bav was mentally searching, the words she read, trying to force her intuition into revealing what wasn't said. *

I am fairly sure, I have messed up yet again.
I shouldn't have said anything to him I guess, wasn't my place to.

From the looks of things, what he got out of what I wrote, was I want him to change himself. To stop wandering.

It's not the wandering that bothers me, I don't think it bothers Mia either.
I don't want to change who he is.

I only wanted him to know, the deep importance of his pack. Regardless if I'm in it or not.
I especially never, ever wanted to be a cause for Mia to be hurt, or left alone. It isn't right or fair to her. Not because of me.

I'll wait his return , and hope I have the inner strength to hear whats inevitably coming.
I'll try to stay distracted, and busy ... pass the time best I can.

I know if I say any more to Mia, she'll just do as she always does, try and smooth out the rough edges. My poor Sugar ... always putting us before herself, and that also isn't right. I know she does it, because she loves us so deeply. But we love her back, and don't always need her to put herself last , and keep us content and happy at her own expense.
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Re: Book 2 - The Beasts within

Post  BenevolentDevil on Sun Nov 11, 2018 1:26 am

Hel and I talked.
We needed to. He was kind of hurting to, and i had forgotten he could be hurt. I look to him as our strong hero, our alpha so much, I forget ... he's got some soft spots too.

But, he loves me ... asked me , like Mia did not to leave.
I'm not going anywhere ... well, not far anyways.

I've slipped away, to keep an eye on my shady sisters. Though I've yet to see either return to the temple. I hadn't went as far as Vestalla to see if Sariah is trying to crack the towers secrets or not, but ... she either gave up, returned to the Mist to go home, or ... has something up her nasty sleeves.

However, I watch my fluffy family, by scrying. Mia shouldn't teach me some things ... I use em.
Heh, but ... i look in, make sure all is well.

I seen Hel and Mia able to enjoy themselves, not having me in the way. Thats good, they need that time. I'm more than happy to grant it.
I love them both, very much ... too much sometimes I think.

But, that'll just make things ... better for when I wander back home in a few days. Sariah, or no Sariah ... I won't stay gone too long.
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